Healing My Relationship with Food

 If you know me in real life, you will of course know what is my profession. I hope to keep this as a side note however, because I do not base my identity off of this but instead wish to use my knowledge of it to further my journey towards healing and honestly, a reconciliation with food. 

I have spent the large portion of my adult life battling food. It's quite obvious if you search through these blog posts over the past 11 years and I've kept them all available as a reminder to myself how far I've come. I have always tried to restrict and control my diet, setting firm parameters and mentally boxing it into submission. Vegan, gluten free, paleo, low carb, low fat- none of these approaches have worked. None. I was desperately searching for a way of eating that would make me feel wholesome and energetic, a diet that would make me feel satisfied and intuitive. I failed miserably. 

I'm still learning, and honestly it's been a delightful learning curve that I hope continues for quite some time. But I think I'm finally getting the hang of it. My first realization has been that nutrition has a rhythm. It works in tandem with everything else, it's cyclical. It ebbs and flows, and by this we obtain a deep appreciation and almost reverence for the foods we do consume (and when we consume it). We are reminded of the bounty only when we have experienced times of barren. I'm fortunate enough to live somewhere where the cycle of the seasons is still very distinct: we have a definite change from spring to summer, summer to fall, fall to winter until we arrive back where we started with the first bloom of green and other vibrant color once again in spring. Right now as I write this, we are in a stage of barren, the depth of winter when the trees stand bare and dormant. Everything is quiet and sleeping. There is very little growth, if at all. 

Very soon however, the first stirrings of spring will emerge. Imbolc is upon us (on February 1st & 2nd to be exact) and we will enter a time of waiting. We will wait with anticipation for the first tender leaves to unfurl, for chickens to get enough sunlight that they begin laying fresh eggs again, and for other signs of life to re-emerge from their places of hiding and slumber. 

Okay, enough introspection for now. For anyone who thinks that I've gone off the deep end, I urge you to read this book that has had an eye-opening effect on me and started me on this thought process. It's a fantastic read, I've read it multiple times now. If you've read it, I would love to hear your thoughts on it!  

Foundation and Connection

 Perhaps it's boredom, or an unsatisfied need to write, but once again I dig out my blog, blow the dust off of the cover and page through. I smile at the previous posts that I loved creating, cringe at some of the naivete, and in general reminisce on times gone by. It's mind-boggling to look at the dates on the posts and see the stark difference and how foreign my life was compared to today. I must say though, I much prefer my life now to back then. Even if my joints creak a bit more and I make an involuntary groan when I bend over, I wouldn't trade the wisdom I've acquired along the way for just about anything. 

I've heard people say that your 30's are best, because it's like your 20's but with money. I have to laugh at this a bit though, considering the current state of inflation and just life in general post-COVID19. Much like how 9/11 changed the world forever, so to has one tiny little virus. We are much more isolated than we were before, having traded community and comradery for being safe from all the germs and potential transmission that could take place in our now heavily guarded safe havens. We more highly value sterile, clean environments and separation. On the one hand, I don't blame anyone, that was a very fear-invoking time and for something that we largely couldn't control, we sought to grasp for any ounce of control and the one that was most efficient was sanitation and isolation. 

My one fear though is that, with each national (or global) trauma we face, we push ourselves a little further away from allowing ourselves to be what we were born to be - human. 

We were meant to connect: with each other, with animals, with earth, the sky. Connect with ourselves. We are meant to be apart of this great network of being alive, not separate of above it, but with it. My hope in the coming years is to explore ways to reconnect myself with life and live more deeply and purposefully, and hopefully along the way I will be able to impart some wisdom and inspiration in others along the way.