Healing My Relationship with Food

 If you know me in real life, you will of course know what is my profession. I hope to keep this as a side note however, because I do not base my identity off of this but instead wish to use my knowledge of it to further my journey towards healing and honestly, a reconciliation with food. 

I have spent the large portion of my adult life battling food. It's quite obvious if you search through these blog posts over the past 11 years and I've kept them all available as a reminder to myself how far I've come. I have always tried to restrict and control my diet, setting firm parameters and mentally boxing it into submission. Vegan, gluten free, paleo, low carb, low fat- none of these approaches have worked. None. I was desperately searching for a way of eating that would make me feel wholesome and energetic, a diet that would make me feel satisfied and intuitive. I failed miserably. 

I'm still learning, and honestly it's been a delightful learning curve that I hope continues for quite some time. But I think I'm finally getting the hang of it. My first realization has been that nutrition has a rhythm. It works in tandem with everything else, it's cyclical. It ebbs and flows, and by this we obtain a deep appreciation and almost reverence for the foods we do consume (and when we consume it). We are reminded of the bounty only when we have experienced times of barren. I'm fortunate enough to live somewhere where the cycle of the seasons is still very distinct: we have a definite change from spring to summer, summer to fall, fall to winter until we arrive back where we started with the first bloom of green and other vibrant color once again in spring. Right now as I write this, we are in a stage of barren, the depth of winter when the trees stand bare and dormant. Everything is quiet and sleeping. There is very little growth, if at all. 

Very soon however, the first stirrings of spring will emerge. Imbolc is upon us (on February 1st & 2nd to be exact) and we will enter a time of waiting. We will wait with anticipation for the first tender leaves to unfurl, for chickens to get enough sunlight that they begin laying fresh eggs again, and for other signs of life to re-emerge from their places of hiding and slumber. 

Okay, enough introspection for now. For anyone who thinks that I've gone off the deep end, I urge you to read this book that has had an eye-opening effect on me and started me on this thought process. It's a fantastic read, I've read it multiple times now. If you've read it, I would love to hear your thoughts on it!  

Foundation and Connection

 Perhaps it's boredom, or an unsatisfied need to write, but once again I dig out my blog, blow the dust off of the cover and page through. I smile at the previous posts that I loved creating, cringe at some of the naivete, and in general reminisce on times gone by. It's mind-boggling to look at the dates on the posts and see the stark difference and how foreign my life was compared to today. I must say though, I much prefer my life now to back then. Even if my joints creak a bit more and I make an involuntary groan when I bend over, I wouldn't trade the wisdom I've acquired along the way for just about anything. 

I've heard people say that your 30's are best, because it's like your 20's but with money. I have to laugh at this a bit though, considering the current state of inflation and just life in general post-COVID19. Much like how 9/11 changed the world forever, so to has one tiny little virus. We are much more isolated than we were before, having traded community and comradery for being safe from all the germs and potential transmission that could take place in our now heavily guarded safe havens. We more highly value sterile, clean environments and separation. On the one hand, I don't blame anyone, that was a very fear-invoking time and for something that we largely couldn't control, we sought to grasp for any ounce of control and the one that was most efficient was sanitation and isolation. 

My one fear though is that, with each national (or global) trauma we face, we push ourselves a little further away from allowing ourselves to be what we were born to be - human. 

We were meant to connect: with each other, with animals, with earth, the sky. Connect with ourselves. We are meant to be apart of this great network of being alive, not separate of above it, but with it. My hope in the coming years is to explore ways to reconnect myself with life and live more deeply and purposefully, and hopefully along the way I will be able to impart some wisdom and inspiration in others along the way. 

Puttanesca Tofu Scramble

Sooo if you are new to tofu, or think that it's not your thing... think again. This is absolutely delicious, and incidentally it looks actually very much like scrambled eggs so YAY for a great substitute for breakfast. I first found this recipe in one of Isa Chandra Moskowitz's books... I think maybe Vegan with a Vengeance? Either way, the recipe is available on her website: NOM! 

Whip this up with a side of toast, fruit salad and a big, big cup of coffee. Hallelujah! 

Vegan, Gluten Free Pizza Dough

I cannot tell you what a saving grace this has been for me, it's so quick and delicious that I sometimes can't believe that I'm able to eat it and not get sick! It's also my solution to when I have a leftover can or portion of coconut milk that I didn't need for a recipe (I haaaate wasting canned coconut milk). 

I first was using a paleo Naan recipe from MyHeartBeets but I've really went wild with it to make it fit whatever my purpose is. I don't follow the portions of tapioca and almond flour anymore, I just add some of each until I get the density that I want. For pizza crusts, I add A TON more almond flour and tapioca so that I get a thick, dense batter. 

Essentially the recipe is:

Coconut Milk + Tapioca Flour + Almond Flour + Salt 

You can modify from there: Add some garlic, Thyme, Rosemary, Parsley, Cajun Spice, whatever floats your boat! 

I cook it same as in the original directions (So basically like a pancake) and then let them cool before storing in the fridge (or freezer) until I need them. Then you just reheat in the microwave (The hotter you get it, the more floppy it will be) and then use it as a wrap or gyro bread, personal pan pizza crust, etc. 

The crust was pretty floppy but I could still pick up the slices easily, or eat with a fork (but that's how I like my crust anyways). 

Here I added some Earth Balance and garlic powder, sprinkled some Mozzarella and Parmesan cheese on top and microwaved for 2 minutes to make a "white pizza" - YUM! And also a good way to use up the last of my shredded cheese. I'm sure it would be just as delicious with vegan cheese as well - and I'm definitely going to experiment with that in the future. 

Some Favorite Products

Alright self, since your brain is kind of 50/50 lately with all the stress you have going on, I'm here to document some super awesome items that are both vegan AND gluten free (which is not always easy to find).

Awesome AP flour:

This stuff is legit dope, I bought it as Costco so I think that it was maybe 13 dollars for a 5 lb bag (which is GREAT SAVINGS especially in the gluten free realm). I used this for my batter for the Toffalo wings and it worked beautifully. I'll definitely be keeping this in stock for when I don't have the time to make my ATK (Americna Test Kitchen) AP blend recipe from scratch. 

Also is lacking in other high allergy foods and is made in an allergy free facility! BAZINGA! 

I also am on the hunt for some delicious, creamy vegan condiments and I have to say, I struck gold on the first try- Veganaise. 

This is an oldie buy a goodie in the vegan community - I literally can't taste the difference from the real thing and YASSSS it's gluten free! KEEPER! 

The Best Buff Tofu Wings

I've been using this recipe for ages but I wanted to give it the lime light for a second for two reasons:

One, it was one of the first recipes that I tried way back when that made me realize how possible and enjoyable it would be to be vegan.

Two, recently, it was the catalyst to some hardcore bullying that I received that rather took me off guard.

First off, if anyone is interested in having their minds blown and is digging some buffalo sauce: Here ya go. Now mind you, this recipe is in no way a healthy example of a vegan diet but damn, does it hit the spot! If you need some greasy, hot wing goodness - this is your jam.

Look at this majestic pile of battered and fried, hot sauced deliciousness. I cannot even begin to describe how much this satisfied my craving. This recipe is definitely a keeper for life. 

Here I made a salad out of cabbage, carrots, the Toffalo wings and, if I had had time I would have made some sort of mock bleu cheese dressing. Instead I just put a wee dab of Veganaise for a dip and called it a day. It was really great! I'd love to revisit this and make this buff salad fancier in the future. 

Joni Mari is a vegan goddess and I have loved all the recipes created by her that I've made. If you're new to veganism and/or just want some decadent, delish vegan noms - please check out her blog at http://www.justthefood.com/

Remember! Cheekans are for snuggling, not snacking! UNTIL NEXT TIME, MY VEGERINOS! 

Increase Wisdom, Decrease Gluten

I was going back through my blog from 2012 and, while it was an incredible trip down memory lane, there was plenty of cringe-worthy stuff to go through.

First off, I didn't realize HOW MUCH GLUTEN I was consuming on the daily... breads, pasta, seitan (hello pure gluten), veggie burgers, pretzels, bagels, oh my god. No wonder I would wake up feeling fine and by the end of the day I looked like I was 6 months pregnant. I would literally cry on the way home from work because I was so bloated and miserable (and in pain!) without any understanding of why I was feeling that way! It wouldn't be until November of 2014 and a trip to the emergency department before I discovered that gluten and I just weren't meant to be. Looking back it makes sense, I was tired all the time, I slept A LOT, I was depressed, and I had the GI habits of a donkey.

After discovering my pretty significant gluten intolerance (I have never been formally tested for Celiac's Disease and honestly, I don't have any of the hallmark signs), I took a hiatus from my veggie ways and went back to meat, meat and more meat. It was my crutch.. eggs were my only binder for breads.. dairy was safe. But that too made me feel like shit.

It wasn't until I took a step back and breathed, got myself aligned mentally and spiritually, that I could look outwardly at what I was doing with my diet and health and truly improve upon it.

I discovered my love for all things hippie, natural, and pagan. I discovered my keen interest in astrology, yoga, crystals, meditation. Oh my god, meditation - it is the purest and best thing you can do for yourself. Once I took on a more simplistic way of life, it seemed second nature to apply that to my eating habits. Another cringe-worthy moment from my past was how much processed vegan products I was using, trying to mimic a meat-eaters diet with vegan junk.

Sure it was animal free, but it was still highly processed and not real food.

Then it dawned on me... the simpler the better. Some of my favorite foods are naturally vegan/vegetarian.

• Chips and Guacamole 
• Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches
• Lentil Soup
• Rice and Beans 
• Cheese Nachos 
• Popcorn
• Oatmeal
• Baked Potatoes (any type of potatoes for that matter)
• Salads

I could go on and on...

Not only are these things veg in their natural state, but they're so much more affordable than all of the vegan fake-meats that I was buying. And they sure as hell taste a lot better!

I will always be curious to try new products and will buy them, even if they're a major fail (hello vegan nacho cheese- I'm looking at you!), but time and time again I'm realizing that homemade and simple is the way to go.

For dinner I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some Brussels sprouts dipped in hummus. I'm completely satisfied, I feel good, no animals were harmed in the making of my dinner, and I am not farting myself into the next galaxy. All wins in my opinion.

So through my time, I hope to collaborate an arsenal of simple, affordable, and gluten-free vegan recipes to keep me satisfied and my conscience clear, and hopefully I will have the time to share my recipes here with all you lovelies! (If anyone's listening, that is).